Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude. I can hear the air.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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