Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize