:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
