dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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