I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize