Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
