I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
