What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
