youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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