I think I am morally bankrupt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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