I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
