I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
