No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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