Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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