my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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