even my farts smell like vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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