i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He felt like a one man threesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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