I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
