she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
