I just cut my nipple shaving
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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