then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
