We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
