Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
