i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
