Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
