Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
