I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
