And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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