my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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