i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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