His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize