I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
