my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
