Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize