check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We named our party play list daddy issues
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
