She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
