Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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