Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
