its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
