So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
