I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
