I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
