Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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