Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
