Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
