Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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