he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
