We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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