i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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