i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
