Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
