the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
