She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
