So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
