chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
