I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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