Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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