No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
