did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
