Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
