Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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