I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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