Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
